Not content with the fact that my train was 25 minutes late into Paddington (in other words it took twice as long as it should have done; due to '"congestion between Reading and London" - I have never understood how trains get stuck in "traffic", it's not as if you didn't know when to expect them!), I decided to continue on my journey to get fit and go green, and cycle from Paddington to work.
In doing so, I have decided that the Boris bike scheme is utterly, utterly useless. You may have seen my earlier blog post about it. I thought it a waste of time then but not being one to give up first time around, I decided to try again.
First, there are no Boris bikes at Paddington station. A major railway terminus, gateway to the West of England and Wales, connection with the country's busiest airport via the Heathrow Express...? You would have thought this was a prime location for people wanting bikes...? Apparently not. Anyway, I consulted my Boris bike app on the iPhone and went in search of bikes in Winsland Street. None left, although there were only 12 bays in the first place. Okay, onto South Wharf Street. None there either and now even further from the direction I needed to be in. Right. I walk 10 minutes to Southwick Street. Success, 5 bikes free. I eagerly inserted my key fob and waited for the green light. And waited. It flashed amber and then stopped. I tried again. Same thing. I tried another bike. Same again! Hopeless.
Something was clearly wrong. I stood in the street and tried to log on to their website. No data signal on my phone. I tried calling them. There was hardly any voice signal either (come on O2, I was in the middle of the capital for goodness sake). So with the fear of being disconnected at any second and after having negotiated several menu options I get through to... Yes, you've guessed it, a queue. "Due to heavy call volumes, we are currently very busy and will answer your call..." I waited and waited. At risk of losing what signal I had, I began to walk in the loose direction of work. After all, it was now 09:30 and I had left home just after eight.
I gave up on the iPhone app, having realised that it had stopped updating the availability of bikes at 09:05. I hoped I would come across either another row of Boris bikes or a tube station. I walked down Connaught Street and was nearly run over by a big black Range Rover and two Police motorcyclists: Tony Blair was on the move.
At Portman Square I realised I'd missed Marble Arch tube and headed towards Bond Street. "Oh joy!" I exclaimed (well, muttered under my breath really) - Boris bikes and lots of them. One final go, I thought to myself. And low and behold, it worked, the light went green and the bike was mine. Hurray. Off I pedalled.
Now Oxford Street is not exactly bike friendly. Having avoided the many buses which seem to pull out whenever they choose, I then get stuck behind them every 50 metres or so at the many red lights. Finally, there is the abyss of the Cross-rail works at Tottenham Court Road to negotiate.
Finally, I race down Kingsway, almost at work. Pulling into Portugal Street, I had hoped to drop the bike outside LSE's New Academic Building (I'm not sure what they will call the next new building... the "New New..."?). "Here we go again" I thought; all the bays were full. I cycled down the back of the LSE Library - full. Houghton Street - full. Where to next, I pondered? Off down past the law courts and finally a free bay but only because the Boris bike boys were out with their little electric thingy, loading some of the bikes up to move elsewhere. I docked the bike and walked back to work. Journey time to work was 2 hours, 5 minutes. Grrr.
You would think it got better this evening. I left the office just before 7 hoping to make a 7.30 train. Call me a mug (it wouldn't have been the first time) but I decided to cycle again. I mean, it couldn't have been any worse could it...?
Undeterred by the lack of a Boris bike in Houghton Street and at the corner of Aldwych, there were plenty at Convent Garden. I picked one up without issue and pedalled off into the night.
In the Mall I passed a load of flashing blue lights: two Police cars and an ambulance. Sandwiched in the middle was a little red Ford Festa. Then I spotted it, just a glimmer of metal reflected in the dim blue light - the mangled wreckage of a cycle. Oh dear and no sign of the cyclist. I hoped this wasn't a bad omen. I pedalled on.
Boris bikes are far from light and in suit and tie with bag strung over my shoulder, I found the accent up Constitution Hill hard going. The flashing front light offered little by way of illumination as I battled my way through the darkness of Hyde Park. Finally, I emerged out into the relative comfort of street-lit Albion Street and, avoiding a car attempting a multi-point turn in the most ridiculous of places, traced my way back along the route from the morning.
I decided to play safe and drop the bike at Southwick Street, where I had fumed only ten hours earlier. Except I couldnt. The bays were all full. This had bode well. I was 10 minutes walk from Paddington so assumed it would get worse. It did. All the bays in the vicinity were full and I wasn't the only "Boris biker" looking for a bay either. I have identified the fundamental flaw in the scheme: bikes clearly travel in the direction of the commuter and with the limited number of bays near a major commuter-hub, the scheme simply can't cope. I consulted the map in South Wharf Street and found another bike park further up the canal. Finding it proved almost impossible. I navigated around countless one-way systems, building sites, temporary roads and eventually found the bike park and a free bay. And then the walk back to Paddington Station. Despite a new and helpful bridge across the canal, I still had to retrace my steps down London Street, walking parallel to the track, right back to the main entrance of the station. The result: I'd long ago missed the 7.30, got there just as the 7.45 was pulling out, and raced to get on the 7.48. Unusually, I did get a seat, sinking my sweaty body into the back rest, iPhone in hand, writing this, when I heard over the PA "I am sorry but we are awaiting the driver on a late-running in bound service and will be late leaving this evening..." Typical.
I got home at 8.50, too late for the gym. I have got to find a better way. Perhaps I should try motorbiking again. At least I would be in control. Although you now have to pay for parking in Westminster. If I could afford to I would sit in my the sumptuous leather of my Jag, only there would be nowhere to park.
Oh well, what will Tuesday bring?
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